So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
