I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
