I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
