this boner is exhausting
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
