the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
