a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
