How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
