dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
