im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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