You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Come share oat with me in your robe
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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