he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
