his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
