Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I've blown a few things in my day
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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