So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
