i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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