margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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