Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
