i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
