i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
