i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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