The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
