this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
