She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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