Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
