You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
