She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
