first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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