Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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