I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
