Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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