Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
