why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We had sex on a dog bed..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
