The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
