I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
