but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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