census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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