haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
one two three fourrrrnication!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
