i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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