found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
