You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
