My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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