dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
