Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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