my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
