What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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