Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
