I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
