My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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