I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we're so committed to being not committed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
