the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
